Ah, pizza! Pizza for breakfast. Pizza for lunch. Pizza at suppertime. Hell, pizza for a snack. I do it. You should too.
In honor of the upcoming Super Bowl Sunday extravaganza, you know, where Dominos Pizza is expected to deliver 1.2 million pies to Americans in our homes where we are all whooping and hollering and sporting jerseys, Cowboy and I decided we wanted in on the action.
Not the jersey thing, but the pizza thing.
But we had to get creative, because it turns out Dominos doesn’t deliver out here.
What? It’s only 90 miles of blowing, drifting snow and now, I heard, a little ice will be splashed in for good measure. Geesh.
Oh, the price we pay to live in the wilderness.
Anyway, it just so happens that Cowboy has in his super secret hiding place where his super secret recipes are stored a super secret, super crunchy, super thin, super easy pizza crust recipe.
And then, of course, he has in his super secret cooking brain super delicious homemade pizza concoctions that never fail him—i.e.: the breakfast pizza, the chicken alfredo pizza, the taco pizza, and of course, the BBQ beef pizza.
And that’s what he’s cooking for us today.
Perfect. Can’t wait. Sounds hearty and meaty and cheesy and very, very Cowboy.
Which got me thinking…hey I might have something to contribute here that doesn’t involve a hunk of cheese in the shape of a holiday figure.
I might have an idea for a pizza that is very light, very vegetably, very colorful, very, very…well…Cowgirl.
And so the Cowboy vs. Cowgirl pizza challenge idea was born. To which Cowboy replied, “Whatever, you don’t stand a chance noodle arms.”
And I, with my quick and clever wit shot back “No, you don’t stand a chance…you, you…beef arms…”
I turned and ran the three steps to the bedroom and cried in the corner while I hugged my knees, realizing I started something that couldn’t be undone, much like that hobbit movie with the ring and the, well….nevermind.
Anyway, this ain’t gonna be pretty. But I’m brave, despite the size of my muscles and the range of my cooking skills.
Either way, Cowboy or Cowgirl, I think you will enjoy these recipes. If anything, just prepare the crust and add your own toppings, because really, you can’t go wrong.
So let’s get ya going on the crust while I pull myself together and put on my Cowgirl cooking outfit.
Below is a picture of Cowboy’s super secret recipe that has been with him since freshman year of college. A recipe he no doubt acquired from his momma or his sister and wrote down in a dark room with only one light bulb dangling from the ceiling and then promptly folded it up and shoved it in his underwear drawer or under his mattress or in the ceiling paneling until he needed it again.
Well, at least that’s what it looks like.
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees while you gather the following ingredients.
- 1 cup water
- 3 cups flour
- 2 tbs oil
- 1 Tbsp sugar
- 1 tsp salt
- 1 ¼ tsp dry yeast – bread machine yeast
Photo for you, cause I had no idea what this was...
Pour all of these ingredients in a big bowl and mix together.
Here you will see Cowboy using his Christmas present from his biggest fan, my momma
It seems like cheating, it’s so easy, but if you don’t have a Kitchen Aid mixer, that’s ok. Neither did we all of our lives and we were not pizza-less. Just add the above ingredients to a bowl and mix with your hands until everything is mashed together and you achieve the proper consistency so you can roll it out successfully and get it to the pizza pan.
You may have to add a bit more flour as you go to get it just right.
Ok, this look familiar?
Sprinkle flour on your surface and plop down the dough.
Roll out with rolling pin until it is stretched out big enough to cover your pizza pan.
Spray your pan with cooking spray and transfer the dough.
This recipe makes enough dough for you to decide if you would like your crust a bit thicker or a bit thinner, because who’s the boss? Not Tony Danza. You. You’re the boss.
Now, use a knife to cut off the excess dough.
What you do with that dough is up to you.
I made a pizza dough snowman.
Of course I did.
Ok, “Ta da!” the crust is ready. Perfection.
Cowboy and I both used this pizza dough recipe, but I cooked mine for about 5 minutes to get it nice and brown and crispy before adding the toppings and throwing the pizza pie back in the oven to heat it up.
Cowboy piled all the toppings on the uncooked crust and put it all in the oven to melt together.
So let the games begin…with my pizza. Because I like the phrase “Ladies First.”
Once I convinced Cowboy to prepare my crust for me (which you will notice wasn’t quite as beautifully executed as the one he took ownership of) by using my wit and charm and negotiation skills I prepared the following toppings.
- 3 chicken breasts, seasoned, baked and shredded
- ½ lb of bacon, cooked and chopped
- 1 ½ cups feta cheese
- 1 can artichokes, drained, rinsed and chopped
- Sliced tomatoes
- Chopped green onions
- Olive oil
- 1 package pesto mix (or make your own, that would be better. But you know who you’re dealing with here…I had to make the packaged pesto twice because of a common mishap I have with reading directions on the back of packaged food items. Happened all the time in college with hamburger helper…I’ll tell you about it sometime)
The oven was preheated to 350, so I threw my pizza crust in there for about 5 minutes to get it nice and golden brown while I incorrectly followed the instructions on the back of the pesto mix package and then started over and stirred it up correctly for crying out loud.
When the crust was finished I took it out of the oven and spread the pesto mix over the crust and began layer my toppings, under Cowboy’s watchful and judgment-filled stare…(oh, and his underdeveloped camera skills)….
I accomplished all this while, enduring, before I even poured myself a glass of wine (which I had to postpone until the project was complete to ensure total concentration…) comments such as these:
“Where’s the cheese?”
“Chicken? Chicken is for vegetarians.”
“Sniff, sniff…what’s that smell? Hmmm…yeah…well, what ever…”
“What are those green things? Artic-whats?”
“Well, if you call that pizza.”
My confidence was shaken.
But I held it together and when my toppings were beautifully assembled on the not so beautiful crust, I put the pizza in the oven to bake for about 10 minutes while I ran back to the bedroom and cried a little.
The buzzer beeped
I came out.
I pulled my pizza from the oven and cut us some slices…
I ate three peices.
Despite his skepticism and his lack of love of artic-whats, vegetable chicken and feta cheese, Cowboy had two.
I think that’s what I call a hit.
So I poured myself a glass of the good stuff and left the dishes for the dogs.
It’s about time they started earning their keep around here.
Now Cowboy’s turn, which is sure to involve a fair amount of cheese and seasoning and patience and calm, cool and collectiveness that I have never possessed…oh Martha Stewart, we don’t stand a chance….
Zesty BBQ Beef
Ok, it took Cowboy a day to recover from the shock to his system that was my pizza. So day two, Cowboy began his pizza excursion by digging in the freezer for a 3.5 lb beef roast, seasoning it to his liking and submerging it 3/4 of the way in water in our crock-pot…
…and slow cooking it for a good five to six hours.
If you need to, click here for the basic instructions for cooking a beef roast–there are about a million different easy ways to cook it, but takes some time and patience, which I don’t seem to possess either. I will tell you it was torture milling around the house with this slab of meat cooking and smelling so deliciously scrumtious and hearty all day. All. Day.
By the time we got started on the pizza project it was 5:30pm and I was sure I was going to die of starvation.
Ok, so while the beef is finishing up its cooking process, pour yourself a glass of whiskey (because Cowboys can cook while they drink…seems to make it better, not worse. Someday I will master the only multi-tasking activity males possess)
Looks like we need to call the liquor store to see if they deliver...
…and gather the following ingredients for the BBQ sauce.
- 1 18 oz bottle of BBQ sauce
- ½ cup Jelly – Strawberry or Grape
- 2 Tblsp Worcestershire Sauce
- 1 ½ Tblsp minced garlic
- 1 Tblsp garlic pepper
- 1 Tblsp minced onion
- 1 tsp Steakhouse seasoning grinder (Cowboy says: “I don’t know what this is exactly, but it’s got a bunch of delicious shit in it”)
- 1 tsp red pepper
- 1 Tblsp cajun seasoning
- 1 tsp Liquid Smoke
- A couples shakes of celery salt
- 4 ounces of scotch (or whiskey of course)
Oh, and also grab yourself the following for the pizza toppings:
- 1 small onion
- 1 cup mozzarella cheese
- 1 cup cheddar cheese
Ok, pour all of the sauce ingredients, except the scotch, into a big bowl.
Then, to help you get all of the BBQ sauce out of the bottle, pour the scotch into the BBQ bottle, shake it up and dump the concoction into the bowl too.
Who said Cowboy’s weren’t thrifty?
Now mix it all up!
Ok, your roast is smelling delicious and is ready to be brought out into the world.
*Cowboy only used about half of his roast for the pizza, so if you have a big 4 lb roast, cut it in half and use the other half for sandwiches or something. That would be good.
Now shred your roast with a fork
And then cut it up a bit more with a knife
Now taste your sauce to make sure it is delicious. Add spices and more scotch if you need to.
Next, combine your shredded roast and the sauce in the crockpot and cook on high (or 350, depending on your roasting method) for about an hour to let the seasoning and sauce soak in and make it nice and tasty.
And add that onion if you want to. Or you can save it for the top of the pizza.
While you wait, this would be a good time to prepare your pizza crust and preheat the oven to 350.
And listen to Cowboy say things like:
“If this roast is any indication of what my pizza is going to taste like, your pizza doesn’t stand a chance….”
And wipe away tears.
Ok, like I said, Cowboy chose not to pre-cook his pizza crust. So when your roast is done, slap your BBQ beef concoction onto the uncooked pizza crust you prepared.
Now it’s time for the cheese! Cowboy was wondering where it was? Well, he found it.
Place pizza in the oven for 20-25 minutes, or until crust and cheese are a nice golden brown…
…and you will have this…
And it will be delicious.
And resemble, in no way, the pizza your wife came up with.
And you will determine that to compare the two would be like comparing apples to oranges…just like you and said wife.
And said wife will say: “That means we both win!”
And you will say together, in wedded bliss unison: ” Take that Dominos.”
And ride off into the sunset.
Happy Super Bowl Weekend party people! I hope your team wins.