BB Guns, Potty Training, the lack of full Body Helmets (and plenty other reasons to freak out…)

IMG_4072In 90 days, give or take, we’re having a baby. The picture may look sweet and collected, but you can’t see the sweat beading up on my eyebrows or the cankles forming in the 90 degree heat.

As I sit here and type this the little bugger is stretching and punching and kicking and wiggling and making himself known.

photo (2)I got a baby sling/carrier thingy in the mail today. It’s mom’s birthday gift to my husband. Because he might have said something about putting the baby in a backpack and I’m sure she wants to give him a safer alternative…

Don’t worry mom, I think he was joking…

I also have a crib in its box laying on the floor of the garage. My husband has used it as a place to set power tools and boards on his quest to hurry up and finish the damn basement before this baby turns 18 and graduates.

Gus uses it as his resting spot while he’s watching Husband work.

We have 90 days, give or take, until we get our shit together enough to get that crib out of its box so it can be used for its intended purpose.


I’m sorta freaking out.

Now I know that you are all going to tell me that I don’t need anything, that it will all come naturally, that it’s a blessing and so worth it and don’t worry, you’ll be fine.

And I appreciate your positivity. In most moments I believe you. I am pretty sure we’re capable of handling this. I’m mean, we’re not the first and only people in the world to bring a new baby into their lives, humans have been doing this child-birthing-to-rearing thing since the beginning of our existence…

But…shit’s getting real. I’m sure you’ve been in this phase before, all of you calm, cool and collected mothers out there who know what you’re doing by now.

I’m sure you’ve sifted through the files of information they send home with you on your doctors visit, the ones filled with diagrams on breastfeeding and all the numbers you can call and classes you can take and videos you can watch to prepare yourself to keep your infant alive.

And that’s just one step in the process. Apparently you still need to call some numbers, examine some diagrams, take some classes and watch some videos on how to get them in a car seat, how to swaddle them, how to burp them, how to track the amount of poop they poop, the amount of pee they pee and let us not forget the most important task of all…how to get them out into the world.

That’s a big one. I’m not sure I’m prepared to watch the video on that one yet…

This morning when I woke up Husband to inform him that we have 90 days give or take until we have this baby, this is what he said.

“Yeah. And we can never send this baby home with his parents. Because we will be his home. And his parents.”

Hello. That’s what I’m saying!

And then he told me not to freak out. I grunted and rolled out of bed to pee for the thirty-seventh time in eight hours, mumbling some great comeback like “No you don’t freak out…”

But as the day drags on I’ve found more reasons to worry…which led me to a little game I’ve been playing to combat the anxiety.

I call it “Freak, Calm Down.”

And this is how it goes: When I come up with a reason to freak out, I combat it with a reason to calm down and be excited…and then I feel better.

Example 1: 

Reason to Freak Out: This baby will eventually grow up enough to start jumping off of my furniture and falling down all the steps we thought were a good idea to put in this house. I need seventeen baby gates and a baby-sized body helmet. Do they even sell baby-sized body helmets? I haven’t seen one on Amazon…

Reason to Calm Down: A baby demolishing my house is a baby no longer punching my bladder.

See how it works? Shall we move on?

Reason to Freak Out: This baby will obviously be a blood relative of my husband, who turned out great in the end, but had a few stints with a paintball gun, BB Gun, a couple calls from the cops, a couple rolled ATVs, several broken bones, an incident with a fish hook and a body part, countless hospital visits and a few 100 MPH drives in his Thunderbird along the way.

Reason to Calm Down: This baby will also be a blood relative to me and I was perfect, of course, never did a damn thing wrong…so there’s hope of a balance.

Which leads me to…

Reason to Freak Out:  It could be a boy

Reason to Calm Down: It could be a girl

Reason to Freak Out: 3am feedings and countless sleepless nights

Reason to Calm Down:  A good excuse to go home from a party before 3am

Reason to Freak Out: I have no idea what I’m doing

Reason to Calm Down: Neither did my mom. She let me wear leotards every day for a year and I have to say, I turned out ok…

Reason to Freak Out: I don’t yet have a diaper in the house!

Reason to Calm Down: I also don’t yet have a baby in the house…

Which reminds me…

Reason to Freak Out: This kid will have to be potty trained eventually and that is a class that falls under the non-existent category of “how to do your taxes” and “what is insurance” in our educational system.

Reason to Calm Down: I’ve never seen a Kindergardener wearing diapers…

Reason to Freak Out: The baby’s room is still currently my office and I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel that is going to change its status anytime soon.

Reason to Calm Down: I have faith in my Husband’s ability to pull through on our plans at the last minute. And we still have time. 90 days give or take….Plus, I don’t foresee me putting this baby down for the first few weeks anyway, let alone getting any work done, so who needs an office? Or a crib? Right?

Which brings to mind the cold hard truth…

Reason to Freak Out: This baby has to come out eventually

Reason to Calm Down: This baby will come out eventually


And then…

Reason to Freak Out: Siblings?

Reason to Calm Down: If we get to this point we’re talking about another, it means we must have survived the first…

And that’s where my head’s at today…

Peace, Love and Heartburn,

The Scofield Family

12 thoughts on “BB Guns, Potty Training, the lack of full Body Helmets (and plenty other reasons to freak out…)

  1. Rule 1. Most baby prep things don’t happen until you have four weeks left to go. Rule 2. Most baby prep things don’t happen until after you are home with the baby. (Walmart runs) Rule 3. Pick up now: breast pads so you don’t leave two dark maroon colored splotches on your apple red t-shirt. Bottles, nipples. Liquid baby soap, soft tiny baby washcloths, Desitin cream for red rashy butts, diapers, wipes, onesies and sleepers, crib sheets, waterproof sheet pads, cloth diapers for burp rags and diapers for the butt end not the mouth end, receiving blankets, sleepers and a snot sucker outer. That will take 20 minutes at Walmart/Target. The crib. That is it. Rule 3. Your Mom is all you will need for help and advice. Let her be. Not the books, not youtube, Baby Center, Organic baby, Happy Baby, Meditation for Mommys and Babies, etc. and most of all, those well meaning nurses who haven’t given birth. Mom. Your mom. And, Grandma will need a nice rocking chair. ; ]

  2. Sounds like things are right on target there! Freaking out vs. calming down is a good idea. Hang in there and enjoy every minute–even the heartburn minutes.
    Lynda in Montana

  3. There will be nights of tears because this damn kid won’t sleep, times of awe because he/she just smiled, just cooed, rolled over, sat up, said mama or dada, fear because this kid threw up/has diarrhea/coughed/won’t stop crying. And there will be joy. So much joy. You’ll figure it all out, you’ll be parents, you’ll realize you’re mostly grown up. Joy and fear, tears and happiness and love. That’s what it’s all about – love.

  4. Congratulations!!!! Exciting and terrifying at the same time!! The good news is what you’re feeling is normal! And to ease some of your anxiety, no helmet needed:-) Babies have this amazing soft skull that doesn’t completely fuse together for awhile so when they fall…it protects their brain!! My pediatrician told me this after my son, now 21, fell at least 1000 times in his first two years of life!!! He seems ok…my son that is…except for that damn frontal lobe thing which I guess, according to my pediatrician, doesn’t start working until age 30:-)

  5. Great post, Jessie! You two will be great parents, I’m sure 🙂 Are you keeping the gender a surprise until birth? We are, and I love it! The trend is kinda making a comeback.

  6. Don’t worry about the crib, baby won’t sleep in it the first few months anyway. Bassinet, small cradle or other small bed side crib, grandmas, etc. Remember babies are use to a very small space. All the other above advice is good, follow it. Good Luck!

  7. I delivered two weeks and one day ago. Motherhood will help you realize that no matter how hard you try, you are unorganized and un prepared. We had to buy a new car seat right after we left the hospital because he was too small for the one we had. And you will cry. A lot. You will be happy, and still cry because your hormones are going to be on a roller coaster. Dont fight it. Just cry. It will pass. Depending on how far you are from a 24 walmart or something of the sort, you need to be more or less prepared. If you have a boy, stock up on petrleum jelly and unscented sensitive skin wipes, the keep some of the similac ready to feed formula bottles on hand because if you breast feed you will surely be convinced youre starving him to death at least once, youll want the formula as a back up. And swaddling is amazing, master that art before you leave the hospital and make sure you have a few nice large muslin swaddling blankets. All my advice from two weeks and one day. I gave up trying to be 100% ready because there is nothing to prepare you for this adventure that will be as unique of an experience to you and your husband as your finger prints.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s