A heavy dose of escape…

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Yesterday afternoon, when Husband came home from work I escaped.

Yeah. I said it. Escaped. That’s the right word.  Some days around here are easier than others, and I think this baby is getting more teeth God help me, so I left her, and the man who helped make her, to it.

And I headed to the badlands.

Because I hadn’t been there in a while. Because  I was feeling overwhelmed in this house that’s never going to be baby proof enough. Because being a mom is hard sometimes.

Being a work from home mom to a baby who just learned to crawl is nearly impossible.

Because I needed some inspiration. A good breath. A minute.

Because it was a beautiful night and I didn’t want to miss out on it.

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The badlands are right in our backyard and the North Unit of the Theodore Roosevelt National Park is about a 45 mile drive from the ranch, but if I were a bird it wouldn’t take me nearly as long to fly there along the river.

I wished I was a bird yesterday evening as I drove through the park slowly with the windows open watching the rain clouds build up on the horizon, wondering how long it might pour on me and this landscape that has nothing to do but soak up the sky.

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Then I was feeling sort of bummed about it, about the rain. Like, finally I get out here and I won’t get the light bouncing off the buttes. I won’t get a sunset. I won’t get the great shadows the sun creates in the canyons. I won’t get to see it in all its late summer glory.

I won’t get what I want out of this little trip.

And I was right. I didn’t get what I wanted.

I got more.

Because just before the sky let loose a smattering of rain on a girl standing in the long grass, hair whipping across my face, a rainbow appeared like they tend to do out of nowhere and it stayed long enough for me get to know it a bit.

And to shake the boulder that unexplainably had been sitting heavy on my shoulders for the last few days.

img_3193img_3200img_3264img_3282img_3296img_3380img_3346img_3364img_3324img_3328Sometimes you don’t know what you need. And that’s ok.

But sometimes you do and you don’t take it. And that’s not ok.

I was reminded of that last night. Because I almost didn’t take the drive out there. I felt a little guilty about it. Like I should stay home and cook supper. Like it was going to be too late and the house was a mess. Like I had lots of work I could get done after the baby went down for the night. Like I was so tired.

But I went. I went because I wanted to. I went because it wasn’t asking much.

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Taking moments to exist in this wild space has always my best therapy. My best drug. And I got a heavy dose last night.

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And I’ve learned a heavy dose of escape makes the return so much sweeter…

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15 thoughts on “A heavy dose of escape…

  1. You are wise beyond your years! I am almost 70 years old, and still have to remind myself to get a “heavy dose of escape””.

  2. We all need to just step back from life for awhile to catch our breath; to refresh our body emotionally as well as physically. Why do we as women feel guilty when we take that time. I’m 76 years old, children grown and gone, and my dear husband gone and yet, I still feel guilty if I sit down during the day when there’s work to do. It’s better for us and everyone around us if we do. It’s also important to have a date night once a month or so. I was happy to see you had one for your anniversary. It doesn’t have to cost anything…just a drive alone will do it, a coffee together, etc. By the way, I see you had the beauty of the cleansing rain as well as sunshine and a beautiful sunset to boot! Thank you so much for renewing my beautiful memories of living in ND and trips to Medora.

  3. Great pictures of the badlands, where I only visited in my younger years when my mother and dad visited every summer as she was born there. Beautiful.

  4. Thanks for reminding me of our drives through your corner of the world / we enjoyed it immensely- and sharing one of “those moments” with us. Rainbows can be very timely!

  5. That need to get away for a bit and re-charge? It’s normal. So is the guilt when you do it. Breathe. Let it go. Children learn from what they observe. A child who sees their parents take time to pour energy and enthusiasm back into their life by recharging with healthy choices (hopefully) won’t look for synthetic ways to reboot when their batteries run low. And I just have to say, your words and photos make me want to visit your part of the country. So beautiful. So foreign me. You’ve captured it beautifully. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Beautiful. All of this. I love this line especially:

    Sometimes you don’t know what you need. And that’s ok.
    But sometimes you do and you don’t take it. And that’s not ok.

    It’s so hard sometimes, specifically when you’re a Mom to a little one. But it’s vital to replenish yourself so you have more to give. Thanks for this post, I needed this reminder right now too.

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