She will be a mother.

So my big little sister is having a baby. I say big sister, cause she’s older than me. I say little because she’s smaller. Much smaller. Petite. Lovely. Fragile. Like a porcelain doll.

You know, the opposite of me.

And we’re all laughing around here because this woman, this ballet dancer who wears nothing but dresses and high heels and red lipstick, this woman whose wrists are about as big around as spaghetti noodles and who is the epitome of feminine, (you know the opposite of me) is having a boy.

Well, “it” hasn’t popped out yet, so I guess anything can happen, but you know, they are pretty sure…

This is a big deal around here, not only because it’s the first grandkid and it will be funny to see how it all turns out, with the trucks and boogers and snakes and noise and dirt and squirt gun fights that come with boys, but it will also be the first boy to have entered the picture since husband first started driving his Thunderbird out to see me when we were 15.

Poor pops.

Anyway, I have been an aunt now for a while to three wonderful little girls, so I know something about what it means. Like candy when they want it and projects that involve glitter and pink and taking them swimming and saving them from their mean uncle who makes them finish all of their macaroni and clean up their crayons. I know a thing or two about giving the kids what they want.

But I have to say, I wasn’t prepared for this: watching my big little sister–the one who forced makeovers upon me, who made me her own personal baby doll (until I was the age of 4 and I started beating her up), who baby-sat me when our parents were out of town and let me have popcorn and Oreos for dinner–preparing to become a mother.

I heard the news eight months ago and smiled, but the reality of this life-changing situation doesn’t kick in until you see her each day, her small graceful frame that treads so softly on this earth slowly taken over by a life. Each day, she glows a little more, each day her belly more swollen and her back arched a bit further, dresses stretched a little more snugly across her torso, until the one sad day when her husband outlaws her high-heals and we all know what happens next…

But she has never looked more beautiful.

And my big little sister has always been beautiful. Seven years my senior, there was this adoration, this mystery, this absolute intrigue that she would exude to me, an Olive Oyle-esc adolescent, all arms, elbows, fuzzy hair and bad t-shirts who wanted nothing more than to wander the hills alone picking berries and singing at the top of my lungs.

I was a wild child. My sister was civilized. I was a bit unkempt. She was polished. I was a tomboy who belched a little too loud and a little too often. My sister was a lady who I was certain had never even farted. I was an earth tone. She was sultry red. I loved dogs. She loved cats. I was a Pippy Longstocking. My sister was Marilyn Monroe.

We were perfect opposites, and even though I ridiculed and tortured every boy that she would bring home and complain when she would take too long in the bathroom, my big little sister never scorned me for my differences. Yes, there was the occasional bribe to let her experiment on me with makeup and eighties hair and she did pay me money to let her shave my gorilla like legs, but I think mom may have been involved in that one (God bless her).

But, she never made fun of my Garth Brooks posters, the 101 Dalmatian sweatshirt I wore until the seventh grade or my earthy, over-the-top poetry. No, she never made me feel ridiculous, she just embraced her quirky sister and took advantage of the fact that I had no problems playing the male role in all of her dance routines that we, unfortunately, captured on video (thanks to the filming capabilities of our much younger sister) …

Yes, I may or may not have donned a fake mustache and suspenders in many a home movie.

And that’s what I’m saying here. Those days don’t really feel so far away do they? I mean, wasn’t it just yesterday that we were arguing about whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher? Didn’t she just get after me about tormenting our little sister? Didn’t I just eat the tuna noodle salad she always made for us when she was babysitting? Didn’t she just leave the house for college? Didn’t I just eat a piece of her wedding cake?

I know at 27 I might be too young for this type of nostalgia, but I guess these big moments, you know, the ones that change everything, bring it out of me.

And as we prepare for the little bun’s arrival, and big little sister cooks him a bit longer, and pops is planning ways to steal him away and mom is thinking about how she’s going to dress him, and little sister is vying for babysitting duty, I am standing here, mouth agape, watching helplessly as the world flies by at a thousand miles an hour.

Because I don’t know if I will ever be a mother. I don’t know if I will ever get to worry about what color to paint the nursery or who to choose as Godparents,  how to dress the baby for his first Christmas, what sport he will play or if he can make it through his first sleepover. I don’t know these things.

And that’s ok.

But I do know one thing. I know my big sister, the one I used to beat up, the one who borrowed my 101 Dalmatian sweatshirt for “nerd day” at high school, the one who laughs at my stupid jokes and never gets a word in at the dinner table, is going to make all these decisions and more with the grace, style and compassion she has always possessed–just with a bit of spit-up on her dresses and boogers in her hair.

She will be a mother next month.

This I know.

She will be a mom to a little boy and I will bring the fake plastic snakes and squirt guns.

And I couldn’t be happier.

Thanks sister, for letting me splash your preggers self all over this page. And thanks for trusting me to capture this moment.

25 thoughts on “She will be a mother.

  1. You are amazing Jess. I love you, this is perhaps the nicest thing ever and I will cherish it always. Thank you and thank you again.

  2. What a beautiful gift to your sister. She must be proud of you! I love the pictures, too. My sister is expecting a boy, as well, and I am planning her baby showing coming up in two weeks. This is her third boy, and you can imagine the family’s disappointment when we found out the news. However, the boy will receive just as much love and attention as the others did and still do.

    Congrats to Auntie, also! You will love that little guy like he is your own. I gaurantee it!

  3. Oh lordy, this post is fabulous. You are BOTH fabulous! As a Mommy (who as you know tends to be “earth tones” and belches herself) of a glittery girl and boogery boy of her own, I truly cannot wait to see how her little man grows up!! I too have mused over the picture of dainty miss Linds with her high heels trying to keep her balance when her center of gravity is most certainly a bit ‘off’ these days! Hee-hee!
    And these pictures are gorgeous, Jessie! You are really developing some mad photography skillz!! This little boy is blessed to have an auntie like you…
    Love you all!!

  4. What a wonderful memory book these photos will make for your sister, and for her little boy. What a great job you’ve done with this post and the photos. She is lovely, as are you. But you’re going to need to skip the glitter with this one – and probably the pink too.

    • Carol, she is pretty lovely isn’t she? I have another lovely sister too, I’ll have to get her home to torture her with my camera as well…and you’re right about the glitter and pink, I guess I’ll skip it and switch to blue and fake snakes and lizards…

  5. Such an awesome post and your sis, like you is beautiful. My good friend just her 5th boy(second biologically). She has a basketball team now. Wishing you a great day.

  6. That little boy has a grandpa and Uncle Wade to teach him the basic laws of being a male, since they are such good examples. They were such nice boys in school and so handsome (don’t embarrass them). If he turns out half that good your father can be very proud. Do you have brothers?

  7. Once again you have been the reason for a tear to fall on my desktop………..you have truly truly given your big ‘little’ sister a gift she will treasure forever…….and the miracle she is carrying is so lucky to be born into the family which will be his. You will be the best tom-boy auntie for that little guy, and I pray for your miracle to happen cuz you will be the best mommie when that time comes! Thank you for sharing the photos and words. You never cease to amaze me.
    AWESOME!

  8. Thank you so, so much Jessie.

    I knew Lindsay was precious when we were know it all jerks in early elementary school at Johnson’s Corner, where we became best friends. When she came back to Watford our freshman year, it was like we had never spent a day apart. We grew the rest of the way together and she is, and will always be, my most cherished friend. Lindsay is one of the most spectacular women I have had the pleasure of knowing on this sometimes uninspiring earth. She is giving, loyal and bursting with talant. And she will be the most amazing mother. ❤ I can't wait.

  9. Very rarely does someone look that good when pregnant and have that great of a story. I’m about to burst with a baby made entirely of good vibes after reading this.

    Thanks for the share. Thanks for the care.

  10. This is a great post and the pictures are so beautiful! We can’t wait to meet the new little boy in the family!! He’ll have lots of big boy cousins to show him the ropes! 🙂

  11. We are so blessed to be the Grandma of two no three great Granddaughters. The pictures are great and what you say about our Lindsay is so right. Thank you for sharing this with all of us.

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